It's a common problem. Carrie wants to go out on the town while Mr. Big wants to hang out on the couch and watch tv. Of course, by the end of the movie, this problem is solved by... jewelry.(Spoiler Alert!)
I guess for some protagonists, that would be enough. A token of love and affection to stave off impending existential crises. But the problem will crop up again, and again, and again... good for sequels, but not for relationships.
It all breaks down to abandonment and inundation.
Abandonment: Don't leave me!
Inundation: Get away, I need my space!
These two impulses are in a constant dance in meaningful relationships (and in some not-so-meaningful ones). It's something that comes up all the time.
Some people tend to feel abandoned more. They don't want to be alone, want to get as close to their partner as possible. Some people more often feel inundated. They need time off, to take a breather, to be alone.
It's normal and it's natural. Each of us needs to be, at times, held and close to another person, and at other times to be just our unique, unfettered self.
It just gets messy when one person wants one and the other wants the other. That's when we get the idea that Carrie got in SITC2: What is wrong with my relationship?
The truth is there is nothing wrong with our relationships. But we need to recognize what our individual needs are and to attend to those needs ourselves. Then we can let our partners recognize and attend to their own needs. By the time we get together, we can enjoy each other's company without having built up resentments. Both together and apart, we can both connect and be our unique, unfettered selves.
No comments:
Post a Comment